Everyday Life for Four Seasons

Now there are four eggs in the nest. Yes, I would say I'm becoming obsessed.

Today

Already:
Made yogurt
Sorted through 'A's summer clothing and stored her winter clothing

Have to:
Work on a few websites
Make Nan (Indian bread) and rice to go with our Chana Masala dinner (a fabulous food swap item I scored the other night)

Want to:
Tell you all about the food swap!

In the meantime, you can read more about the food swap here, on From Scratch Club's blog (Chris organized the swap and she did a super job!). And you can find my post about Hakurei Turnips on FSC's blog .

Have a great day.

Our home is buzzing with excitement. First of all, I went to the BEST food swap last night. I spent time with people who love good food just like I do. Wow, it was refreshing. When I get my photos together I'll post a full review for you - tomorrow sounds like a good time to do that.

We also have some excitement in the Bird department.

We've been watching a new mystery bird at the feeder for about two weeks. It's larger than a house finch and smaller than a cardinal. Bright red at the head, and red all the way to the tail. Big beak. Brown and white striped wings. I've been looking at the bird book, wondering what it could be. Today I identified it: a Purple Finch. I told my mother, another bird watcher, and she said she's only seen one in her life (amazing, considering she's spent her life looking at birds). This is very exciting!

That's not all for our bird news. I realized late last night that a house finch had built a nest in the hanging plant outside the front door. This is at once fascinating and a huge inconvenience. We've watched finches lay eggs before, watched the babies hatch, and then watched them learn to fly. I look forward to doing that again. But having it at our door means we have a moral obligation to not use the front door or make a lot of noise near the door until the babies are out of the nest. The things we do for the birds around here.

I stood up on a chair and snapped a photo of the eggs. Yes, they're house finch eggs... two of them are, anyway. The third egg belongs to a cowbird. Cowbirds don't build their own nests or sit on their eggs - they lay their eggs in another nest. Sometimes they take out an egg that belongs in the nest and replace it with their own. I believe this happened here! Yesterday, 'H' and 'A' found a cracked finch egg on the driveway of all places. It had a yolk and everything in it. Now if I had mischievous children, I might believe that they found a nest and took out an egg. But my children wouldn't do that. I swear. Besides, they're too short to reach a finch nest. Now, how would that egg have ended up on my driveway? I believe a cowbird took it out of the house finch nest and replaced it with her own, then dropped the egg away from the nest. Sneaky.

Fun stuff. This is about as exciting as I like my life to get.

The rain stopped for a short time yesterday, so I went outside and planted the little transplants that I've had for over a week now. Pac choi, lettuce, basil, zucchini, patty pan squash, cucumbers, nasturtium, marigolds, rosemary, turnips and peppers. The tomatoes are coming this week. As I was outside planting this:


... I saw this:


... flower buds and flowers everywhere!

And on my way inside, I stopped to pick some of these:


A good day indeed.

I've told you a lot about our adventures with food allergies lately but not so much about our homeschooling adventures. We've been having a lot of fun! So much of it at this point is nature-based, because that's such a natural interest for my children who are 4 and 6 years old. But 'A' has been practicing some math too and after she gets new glasses next week I'm thinking her reading might kick in a bit more (yes... she's as blind as a bat and we'll see just how much she can't see at the doctor's office next week. That could explain why she so strongly rejects learning how to read most days).

We took a trip to Up Yonda Farm in Bolton Landing, the sweetest little Adirondack town. We met up with homeschooling friends and learned about the different types of creatures that live in ponds. The kids all got to use nets to scoop out as many creatures as they could find and put them all in an aquarium tank for observation. This kind of activity is so much fun for kids of all ages (and adults too, if I can be perfectly honest!). Up Yonda has so many programs running and we're all going back a few more times this summer.


After a year of homeschooling, I have come to define myself as an unschooler. For me that means I'm most comfortable going through each day without an agenda, without a curriculum, without an idea of what my children will be learning that day. I prefer to let it unfold for us. Luckily, we have plenty of opportunities throughout the day to let that happen and still learn tons. There are also times when my kids really want to do things so we take time to do them (like yesterday, when 'A' wanted to know how to add big numbers and carry the 1), and times when they don't want to do things, so we don't (like when 'A' does NOT want to learn to read and write more). I follow their lead and trust that it'll all work out in the end.

I've been reading Einstein Never Used Flash Cards by Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Kathy Hirsh-Pasek and Diane Eyer, about how children learn best through play, and I am struck by the chapter about the definition of play. Here is how the authors define play:

:: It is pleasurable and enjoyable (it's fun!)
:: It has no extrinsic goals (the point of playing is not to learn certain skills or facts, the point of playing is to play)
:: It is spontaneous and voluntary
:: It involves active engagement (you have to want to do it, and get involved)
:: It contains an element of make believe

I can't tell you how much of our daily life resembles this description of play. For us, it works. It makes us happy.

If there's one thing I thought I had learned about living with a child with food allergies, it's this: "As much as you want to have hope that she'll outgrow it, keep your hope tempered. Don't get too excited about new treatments or milestones, because what works one day might not work the next." How is that for depressing? I've been trying something new with 'A' and it's been working so far, but today I pushed too far and we hit a wall. What I've been doing is feeding her baked products that contain milk. Research shows that children who are allergic to milk are able to eat foods that have been baked for 20-30 minutes. What's more, these same children who eat baked products every day are more likely to outgrow their allergy sooner.

I've been thinking back to a time a few years ago when 'A' ate a cookie at a friend's house that was made with butter and eggs and she had absolutely no reaction whatsoever. Wondering if she might be able to tolerate baked goods made with dairy, I made her a cake using milk last week. We sat down and I tested it on her skin first (the inside of her arm, the back of her neck, her face, her lips) and then she held a small piece inside her mouth for a minute. When I was sure she was fine, I fed her a small piece. Then a larger piece. So far, so good. For a few days, she ate a piece of cake a day.

This weekend I ran out of baked cake and needed to make muffins for her to eat, so I picked up some rhubarb at the farmer's market and today I made two different batches. One is made with sour cream. The other is made with both milk and butter. I've been wondering about whether or not I can bake with butter. It's certainly cheaper than the margarine she eats and when you consider that the ingredients in the margarine are linked to cancer, it's significantly healthier too.

Can I bake with butter? Not yet. I don't think so, anyway. I had her try a bite of one of the butter and milk muffins and her throat became irritated and she started to cough. In my experience, she was headed for an anaphylactic reaction, so I gave her a dose of Benadryl right away and within a few minutes she was fine. Some questions remain. If I had used rice milk instead of cow milk in the recipe, reducing the total amount of dairy protein, would she have been fine?

I have to say, I'm tired of this. It's not just that I'm tired of spending all my time cooking (I go through phases with cooking, and right now I'm tired of it), but I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of being the overprotective, bitch mom who doesn't let her kid do anything. I'm tired of living part of my life in fear. I'm tired of being angry that food labels don't disclose all of the hidden dairy and corn. I'm tired of being resentful that the world is set up for children who can eat all the foods that 'A' can't. I'm just tired.

Hi there. You find me here, on my personal blog, and now you can find me over on From Scratch Club too. If you haven't had a chance to check them out, take a moment to do so! The blog is about everything food-related and features a variety of unique perspectives. It's a great place to get lost for a while.

So here it is, the weekend, and I realize that I have not sat down to have a moment of rest all week. I've been planning 'A's "Little House on the Prairie" birthday party (which was yesterday), helping out with the plant sale at church (which will be held tomorrow), keeping up with my volunteer duties at church, sneaking in some website work when I can (I've got a site to work on full force next week), and between schooling for the girls and cooking for my family, I keep very busy. Interestingly enough, the very things that tire me out also give me energy and keep me going. How does that happen?


'A's party was a lot of fun. I'll give you an outline of what I did to make is as "old-fashioned" as possible. If you Google "Little House on the Prairie" party, you'll get a million ideas.

Food:
This party of was one of our last events with corn. 'A' is still so upset that she's allergic to it and we're phasing it out gently. I served popcorn, carrot sticks, hot dogs (I buy all beef hot dogs from the grocery store. I know nothing about buying meat because I don't eat it), turkey, and corn chips. They drank lemonade - lots of lemonade!

Cake:
I'll start by saying that I am NOT a very good cake decorator! That said, I made a covered wagon cake, using Newman's cookies for wheels, crushed graham crackers for the dirt road, and licorice strings for the cattle reins. To make the rounded wagon cover, I used a small aluminum foil loaf pan and rounded the bottom by molding it around a glass jar. Since it had a rounded bottom and wouldn't sit straight in the oven, I put it into a second loaf pan, the way you would put a double boiler together. The second loaf pan served as the "holder" so that it would sit straight on the oven rack.


Games & play time:
Three-legged race
Carry the egg on a spoon and a bucket of water without spilling it
Wash "laundry" with washboards
Play in the sandbox, in the woods, and on the swings
Pin the tail on the donkey


Music:
Pa's fiddle music, of course!

We had a lot of fun and most of all, 'A' loved every moment of it. Now our whirlwind weekend continues as we transport plants across town from the greenhouse to the church. Have a good Saturday, and I'll see you soon.

I've been meaning to clean out the kitchen cabinets anyway, and the news about 'A's new food allergies is making me do it sooner rather than later.

It's easy to avoid dairy, eggs, corn, peas and sesame if you're cooking everything from scratch. But hey, I'm a busy mom and sometimes I don't feel like making each and every meal from the ground up (that's 3 meals a day, if you're counting). Sometimes I want to use pre-made soup stock instead of making my own (can't do that anymore - Better Than Bouillion Organic Vegetable Base contains maltodextrin, which is derived from corn); sometimes I want to use a falafel mix instead of grinding and mixing my own (but Fantastic Foods' Falafel Mix has corn in it).

Okay, okay, back into the kitchen I go, rolling up my sleeves and dedicating more time to cooking everything from scratch. That doesn't solve everything though.

There are the foods she loves that don't seem like they should contain corn but do. Like the Earth Balance margarine that 'A' knows and loves; all of the Tofutti products, such as cream cheese, cheese and ice cream; Boca chicken patties (a dinnertime staple), I.M. Healthy Soynut Butter (a lunchtime staple), marshmallows and graham crackers (s'mores, our summer favorite), and So Delicious ice cream.

Let's not forget about the foods she loves that are overtly made from corn, like corn (she loves seeing it on her dinner plate); corn on the cob; popcorn; and lollipops and candy (it's pretty hard to ignore all the corn syrup in them).

I realize that I'm already a few steps ahead because I do make so many things from simple ingredients on a regular basis. I make our bread, our cereal and the vast majority of grain dishes and sauces we eat from scratch. I don't use boxed mixes for sweet treats like cakes and cookies. I can my own jam and mix up smoothies in my own blender. I'm also an experienced label-reader, having dealt with food allergies for six years already, and I'm going into this new world with experience and wisdom.

So yes, I'm sort of prepared, but I'm definitely feeling that this is a challenge. It's as if I'm running on the track and someone raised the hurdles without telling me. Just when I was getting used to clearing them with confidence, a whole new set apprears.

Since 'A' is so upset about her corn allergy diagnosis, I'm planning to move along s-l-o-w-l-y as I "de-corn" her diet. I'll use up what we have on hand and quietly not buy more. I'll make an effort to create new favorites. I'll spend time coming up with a few veggie burger recipes she loves, then make and freeze them in bulk. I'll create the best breaded tofu recipe in the world and jazz up my cooked carrot recipes and make them her new favorite. I'll get that homemade wheat thin cracker recipe I've been wanting to try.

And most importantly, I'll show her that eating and cooking can be fun, relaxing and fulfilling no matter what the limitations are.

I know what I need to do, and I know how to do it. I think part of what gets me so emotional, or at least gives me the feeling of being beaten down, is knowing that I have to say good-bye to convenience foods once again until I figure out what's safe and what's not. I did this five years ago, when she was starting to eat table foods. Then I found that I was spending more time in the kitchen than I wanted. Happily, I found a few things on the grocery store shelves that she could eat without having an allergic reaction. Now those items are off-limits. It's one thing to say no to processed convenience foods because you don't want to serve them; it's another thing to say no because you can't serve them.

Thanks for seeing me down this new path.

Hi,
This is going to be a food allergy post, peppered with photos from the trip we took this week to Old Sturbridge Village (because a post should never be without photos!).

We took 'A' to Children's Hospital Boston, the Waltham branch, yesterday, to see a pediatric allergist. This visit was long overdue! We should have gone a few years ago. However, I don't think I would have known what to ask a few years ago, so perhaps it's good we went when we did.


Here's what went on and what we found out:

She is still highly allergic to dairy, casein, eggs and peanuts. We also added corn, green peas, sesame, and honeydew melon to the list of allergens.

She was skin tested for all of the above, and had blood drawn to be tested for all of those and a few more (like cumin, and a full nut panel). We also skin tested for chickpeas and cinnamon, both of which are negative.

I asked about the cough and the rash she gets around her mouth when she eats raw carrots, apples with the skin on, bananas and watermelon. The doctor believes this can all explained by Oral Allergy Syndrome. In a nutshell, OAS is a problem for people who are allergic to trees and weeds. When she eats the raw fruits and vegetables, her body thinks that she is ingesting tree and weed pollen, and it reacts accordingly. In her case, her throat gets scratchy and she gets a rash on her face. The solution to this is easy: get her on a dose of antihistamine every day until she can start allergy shots. Her seasonal allergies are very hard on her anyway, so the allergy shots will help her in more way than one.

I asked about the oral immunotherapy clinical trials, and if 'A' would qualify for one. He told me to check with Mass General and Mt. Sinai, and other hospitals. The trial at Children's Hospital is for children 7 years of age and older. The doctor does believe that within 10 years, oral immunotherapy will be available to a wide range of children and if she hasn't outgrown her allergies by then, she would benefit from it.

The doctor believes she has a chance of outgrowing her allergies. I asked specifically about dairy. Has he ever seen a child her age (6 years old) who is this highly allergic to dairy outgrow it? He said yes, within a few years even.

One new blood test is being done to see whether or not she's allergic to eggs when they are baked for at least 20 minutes. When eggs are baked, almost all the proteins break down, and some people are not allergic to those that remain. I look forward to finding out the results.

Our family reactions to the visit are all over the place.

'A' is very angry about the corn allergy diagnosis. She LOVES to eat corn. She refuses to believe that she is allergic to it. She still wants to eat it.

I won't speak for Jeff - he can do a guest post about his take on it if he would like.

As for me, I saw it coming, but that doesn't mean I'm not upset. I have observed her for a few years and I knew that she was allergic to these new things. Everytime she would eat hummus, she would cough while she ate (it was the sesame she was allergic to). Same thing with peas and corn. And when she would eat honeydew melon, her face would break out in hives and her throat would swell shut. Now I have some answers and I understand which foods she needs to avoid.

I'll tell you one thing, this makes it a lot harder to prepare meals for her!

More to come. I'm drained. It's not easy to parent a child with food allergies. I'll tell you about how I feel, which cookbooks I've revisited, the direction I am taking with 'A' and with this new information, these new challenges.

I had wondered how we would all recover from the death of our cat, Erma, and as it turns out, we're doing quite well. The girls miss her but have moved on. I find myself turning to say something to her before remembering she's not there, but those moments are disappearing quickly. From a housework point of view, it's significantly easier now that she's not here. She required a lot of care that had to be done on schedule. But would I do it all over again if we could have her back? Sure.


Speaking of housework, I am back to feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things that need to get done on a daily basis. Not all of it relates to homemaking, but the things that weigh my spirit down right now do. I need to make some changes. Here's a short list off the top of my head:

1. The girls cannot continue to play, play, play without cleaning up, cleaning up, cleaning up throughout the day. I simply cannot handle the mess. Hmmm, "mess" isn't exactly the appropriate term. To them, the toys and objects that are left all over the house are props in their detailed, dramatic play. But I'll tell you, when it's bedtime and I'm tired, it looks like one big mess to me.

2. Laundry. Let's face it: I hate doing it, folding it, and putting it away. This job needs to be delegated to my husband and children ASAP.

3. 'A's habit of collecting things. This girl LOVES to collect objects. All kinds, from anywhere. I tolerate it for a while, then something happens and I feel like I'm pushed over the edge. Last week when I found that the greasy fishing *component* (or whatever it's called) that she found in the woods had left a stain on the carpet, I had one of those moments. She collects things and weaves them into her play. When I talk about this, people come up with all kinds of helpful suggestions. Oh yes, I've done many of them. She has a big case that matchbox cars come in, and she stores her collection in there. When that gets full (and it has), we glue the collection to a piece of sturdy cardboard so she can see all of her objects and have more room in the case for more *stuff*. We hang things up and display them. And still she brings more collectible items into the home. The worst are the cough drop and candy wrappers. Tell me, who needs a collection of wrappers?

I am overloaded with a number of other things right now too, but those things are either enjoyable (like all of the volunteer and paid work I do, or the gardening that will soon commence in earnest) or they are impossible to change (like the on-going, low-level stress that comes with living with a child with life-threatening food allergies). I can manage just fine if I get rid of the most frustrating pieces of the puzzle.

In the meantime, it finally feels like spring in our neck of the woods, and that, my friend, goes a long way with me.


:: I love sandbox hands! ::


:: Strawberries ::


:: Garlic coming up! ::

Erma is gone. She died in my arms on Tuesday.


She's been feeling "old" for a while now, so it wasn't a huge surprise. But it wasn't exactly expected, either. She was fine when we all woke up, and while I was preparing breakfast for 'A' and 'H' she came and asked for some food too. This was our routine. She would sit by her plate and look at me until I finished up with the girls and fed her.

While I was getting breakfast ready, she left her place at her plate, and the next thing I saw was Erma, hobbling and limping as quickly as possible back to her comfort spot by the pellet stove. I wondered if she had twisted her leg or pulled a muscle. I called the holistic vet to say that she needed to come in for a chiropractic adjustment. I got a 12:30 appointment and went along with my morning plans. But Erma wasn't okay. Every time I checked on her, she was agitated: tail flapping, pupils dialated, posture twisted. She was in pain and she was confused. Perhaps even scared. I offered her food and water, but she wasn't interested. I offered her comfort, which she took in small amounts. I didn't know what was wrong with her, but my gut told me it was the end.

By chance, 'A' and 'H', who are always with me during the day, were ready to be picked up by our babysitter extraordinaire, Rachel. Last week, on my birthday, I thought about the perfect present, and realized that a day by myself to get things done would be just what I wanted. Rachel and I talked and decided on Tuesday. As I got them ready, I told them to tell Erma that they loved her and say good-bye to her, just in case she died that day. It wasn't a new conversation: I had been telling them for a few months that Erma wasn't going to live much longer, and when she died it would mean that she would stop breathing and walking and purring, and she wouldn't be living with us anymore. She would be dead.

Rachel picked them up; I got Erma ready for her cat-carrier. When I picked her up to put her in it, she lost control of her bladder, and urine went everywhere. I thought, "This is it. She's dying." Then I thought, "Maybe she has held it in all day and she just had an accident." I had this thought because you know, I'm the mother of small children who put themselves in just these situations. These kinds of thoughts aren't foreign to me.

I called the vet and informed them that this was perhaps The Day, and I would be there soon.

On the car ride, Erma sunk more and more into herself. She started to find that place where we go when we die from natural causes, that place inside of her where all that matters is her own survival. She responded just barely to my touch. She put her head down between her paws to rest... her head?... her eyes?... her life?

When I arrived, she was examined and it was agreed that her heart was failing. With it, her systems were failing. My goodness, it went fast. I always wondered how it would unfold. Would it be long and drawn out? What would the signs be? How would I know? As it turns out, it went along rather quickly.

I made the decision to put her to sleep right then and there. I was alone. My girls weren't with me, and Jeff was at work. The decision was mine to make, and I would be there without my family. It was then that I realized that the day was unfolding just as I wanted it to. In the past, when I thought about this day (and I had - it was a long time coming), I had always assumed that the girls and Jeff would be present. The only question was, "would the girls wait in the waiting room during the procedure?" Now that question was irrelevant. It was me and Erma. And somehow, it was everything I wanted it to be. I realized that if the girls were there, even if they waited in the next room, my thoughts and energy would be directed toward them and not toward Erma. If Jeff were there, I would have stumbled over how to let him into my pain. She was, after all, my cat of 18 years. I got her as a kitten when I was 20 years old. She's been with me for all of my adult life, and almost half of my entire life. She's my cat and my friend. Saying good-bye to her was a very personal thing for me. Doing it alone was best.

I had some time alone with her, but her progression was so rapid that she didn't want to dilly dally. I put my ear to her belly to listen to her purr, as I have done day after day for 18 years. For the first time, her purr was weak at best. She was barely with me. She was ready. I called for her doctor and sat down with her in my lap. A sedative was injected first, and I sat with her for about 15 minutes, just holding her and watching her slow down. She was awake but became increasingly relaxed and unresponsive. I didn't have a lot of thoughts at this point. She was just ready, and I was there to see her through it. Then the final injection was administered, the one that would stop her heart. It was all so peaceful. I did have a fleeting thought that perhaps I shouldn't be doing this, because it's So Final. But it was the right time, and I couldn't override that. She died quickly and peacefully in my arms. And in that moment, everything about it was right.

Emotions are funny. I thought that I would be devastated. On the way to the vet's office I cried and cried. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. But when it was all happening, and I saw that she was ready to die, and then watched it happen, my emotions changed. I went right away to acceptance. Don't get me wrong, I'm sad. I find myself looking in places where she habitually sat; I look down to see if she's scratching at my chair to get my attention; I miss the feel of her soft fur; and I just called Grace by Erma's name on accident. Heck, I get teary just writing this. I miss her. But I know that the time was right. I don't have any second thoughts or doubts about her death. It happened when it was supposed to happen.

So tell me, where does the time go? It's flying by so fast for me right now. I've got my hands in a lot of pots, so that factors into it. It's birthday season for us ('H': March 8; 'A': April 9; Me: April 14; Jeff: April 20), followed by Mother's Day and our wedding anniversary. It's spring, and the ground is thawing, so we're busy with yard clean-up and gardening. I'm involved with UU congregation activities. I'm educating my children. Managing the household. Comforting the cats. Feeding the birds.

This whirlwind of activity seemed to come on strong, and after it started, I shed my 20th century skin and welcomed some 21st century technology with open arms. I'm what you might call a "late adopter" of technology. I had a flip cell phone that I barely used, and I wondered why people would ever want to text each other when texting seemed so cumbersome. I didn't store music on any device - the radio was just fine for me. I checked my email when I was home and connected to the internet between loads of laundry. At some point I started to realize that I wanted to be able to connect to the internet while I was out and about, and perhaps it would be nice to have my email available then too. I went to the Verizon store and picked out a Droid X. I love it! My technology-hip husband has brought me up to speed very quickly: when I get into my car now, I can listen to Pandora or my stored music through the radio, and when I make calls, I can hear the conversation through the car speakers. At home I can plug my phone into the TV or the stereo to listen to music or look at photos. I have to say, I love being wired! I never thought I would. I think I can keep my old fashioned values but still live in a modern world. Nice.

To top it all off, my brother in law and his girlfriend got me a Kindle for my birthday. A Kindle! I had never seen one in "real life" and I was surprised by how easy it is on my eyes. I'm thinking about which book to buy first...


In the meantime, I'm enjoying a book that my friend and fellow blogger Erika introduced me to... which has lead me to a new way of looking at bread and, dare I say, has given me a new outlook on life: Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day. Wow. Super easy, super delicious. I'll say it again: Wow!


I've also been practicing my cake decorating "skills" - or rather, displaying my lack of cake decorating skills. I decorated this covered wagon cake for 'A's birthday last weekend, then tried a round cake for my birthday a few days ago. The covered wagon cake turned out great - the round cake, not so much. Jeff's birthday is in a few days, so I have yet another chance to see what I can do with a pastry bag full of frosting. We had a nice family party for 'A' and in a few weeks she'll have her friends come over to celebrate.

Did I also mention that I continue to work at the farmer's market every other Saturday and I'm working on developing a few websites too. Life goes on. Things need to get done; people are here to be appreciated, noticed & loved; my little girls want to be read to and played with; food needs to be cooked; the house loves to be cleaned; the church is counting on my energy. Somehow I manage to do just enough of these things to feel like I'm contributing to the greater good.