Everyday Life for Four Seasons

I'm waiting for Jeff. We have a date tonight to sit down and get the ball rolling on our taxes.

We had a funny moment last night - well, I thought it was funny. I spent the entire day with my sisters, and I arrived home just in time for dinner. That's the same time Jeff usually gets home from work. He spent all day with our children. It was as if our schedules were reversed for the day. After dinner, bathtime rolled around and he suggested I give them a bath, which I did. Now, on a typical night, we divide up the duties: one of us gives a bath and the other will clean up the kitchen. When I came downstairs after putting 'H' to bed, I saw that the kitchen hadn't been cleaned up all the way. I asked Jeff when he was going to do it, and he gave me a look that said, "I just spent all day taking care of our kids - I fed them breakfast, got them dressed, organized activities for us, prepared lunch, put 'H' to bed for naptime, played with 'A' in the afternoon, went to the grocery store, got dinner ready... and now you're asking me to clean the kitchen too???" and I looked at him as if to say, "Yes, I expect you to keep your end of the bargain because you are living a typical day in my life, and I always get the job done!" And then I laughed so hard that I had to spit my sip of water back into my cup.

I'm reading two books that are jam-packed with neat info: Organic Crafts: 75 Earth-Friendly Art Activities by Kimberly Monaghan and Guerrilla Learning: How to Give Your Kids a Real Education With or Without School by Grace Llewellyn and Amy Silver. I got them both from the library and I think I may buy the Organic Crafts book because it has a lot of neat projects that use natural materials to make art, and many of the projects call for a field trip to the backyard to look for materials, which I love.

Guerilla Learning is full of answers (and questions) to those questions some parents ask such as "is the goal of the school curriculum 100% healthy for my child and if not, how can our family take responsibility for our education?" The authors described our public school district almost to a "T" - one that puts so much emphasis on testing and homework that things like recess and free play are pushed so far to the side that they fall off the daily schedule. I don't blame our district specifically because it's all part of a larger web of national issues and it is representative of so many school systems in this country. Teaching children how to do things - more and more things, earlier than before - is, for a lot of people, a good thing. But it makes me uncomfortable. If 'A' wants to learn how to write all of her letters and learn how to read in the next few years, then good for her. But I don't want her to have to learn because it's expected of her - I want her to learn because she wants to do it... the same way she is learning how to speak (on her own), and the way she learned how to walk (on her own), and the way she's learning how to use her imagination (on her own). When she wants to know something, she asks to learn, and that's how it should be.

Jeff is now waiting for me. Have a great night!

I took the girls to the dentist the other day. I was so impressed with them! Six months ago, at our last visit, I swore their crying had done some psychological damage to the poor dentist. They screamed on my lap the whole time, both of them. This time, they both opened their mouths wide and let the dentist and the hygenist do their stuff.


Today I met Jennifer and Emily in Massachusetts for a little wedding dress shopping. It was a lot of fun! There are so many nice dresses out there. And it's just amazing how different our personal styles are.

We went to the Saratoga Automobile Museum today with 'A's preschool class. It was my first time there (but not the girls' - they went with my dad and Marilyn a few months ago). The gentleman who led the tour was very good with this age group - lots of interaction and activity, very little listening required.


This popcorn and peanuts car was my favorite! The woman who created it drove it until 9 years ago. Wow! The museum is pleased that they got to buy it instead of Jay Leno.


I watched the inauguration today with the girls on my lap. I knew it would be a big event - in fact, I consider it to be one of the biggest events in our nation's social and political history - but I am very surprised by how much it has affected me physically. I feel so relieved now, almost wiped out. It's like I'm starting to calm down after a long and stressful nightmare. I'm feeling a new sense of relaxation. I am able to breathe.


I have other good reasons for feeling happy and peaceful too. I've been letting Mother Nature do her thing and bring me back to my center, my place inside where I feel good and loving and whole. I've been on this journey for a few months now. My only goal at the beginning was to better connect with my children and Jeff. I understand that travel will be a part of Jeff's job and I accept that, but it doesn't change the fact that when he's gone for a week or longer at a time over and over again, and we barely talk on the phone during that time, our relationship, as good as it is, changes temporarily. And speaking of changes, my children are so young and ever-changing. To stay connected to them means actively tuning in and making them a priority in my daily life. I know that sounds obvious, but if you stop and take a look around, I bet you can find people you know who don't put their children first.


I've been doing a kind of active meditation when it comes to interacting with Jeff and the girls. I've been making a point to be present in the moment when we are together, to see the beautiful parts of them, to be patient and sympathetic with them. I've pretty much funnelled all of my energy into this healing process, evidenced by my lack of social life, creative hobbies and housekeeping. Along the way I've made time for my health too and I've been exercising regularly, which feels great.


Recently I have been overcome with wonderful feelings of peace and love. My relationship with Jeff is great and is only getting better. The girls are fabulous. I feel like I am able to communicate with them so much better than ever. We don't have that many struggles anymore or many whiny moments. I see them learning and growing right before my eyes. What got me was realizing that I spend pretty much all day every day guiding, loving, disciplining, teaching 'A' and 'H', and what I get in return is a healthy dose of unconditional love from them that fuels me and makes me whole in a way I never imagined I could be. They really are the source of my happiness, and I am starting to understand more fully what that phrase "a mother's love..." really means. When I'm plugged in with them, I don't need a break from them, I just need more of them. I don't get exasperated by them, I get more amused every day. Watching them experience the world for the first time is the most magical thing in the world. This is it. This is the meaning of life. And I'm living it right now.

All of this is not to say that life here is blissful and perfect, but it does feel like heaven to me. Just yesterday, actually, I made a bad parenting decision and I ended the day feeling like I let myself and 'A' down. It was the afternoon, during 'H's nap, and she and I sat down to work on a puzzle together. She is sick, so more than ever she was asking for my attention. The phone rang, and I answered it. Instead of getting down to business and hanging up, I talked. And it kept ringing, and I kept talking. She was at loose ends and was begging for me to be with her. That's a specific case where I knew exactly what I was doing. I have made it a point to not talk on the phone when I need to be with her, and I wasn't happy with myself yesterday.


On a different, but somewhat related note, I have been taking in a lot of information about different methods of educating children. It all started when I was wondering what the heck we were going to decide to do about preschool next year. And now I'm still gathering information because I'm finding that it's helping me to be a better communicator with them.

One of the things I am learning about is the Waldorf philosophy. Until a month ago I knew nothing about it, but you wouldn't believe how many current and former elementary school educators are singing it's praises. If someone finds out I'm not putting Abby in a preschool program next year, the topic of the Waldorf philosophy usually works it's way in. One of the approaches I've borrowed from it and applied to our daily life is the notion of paying attention to the rhythms that are found in every day life. Young children need to have a rhythmical flow to the day that will allow them to think creatively and also allow them time to be close to their caretaker - or mother, in our case. Sometimes they need time to be close and listen to a story or a song, other times they need time for free, unobstructed play, and then there are lots of activities in between. By tuning into the girls' rhythms and structuring a consistent day around what they need, I've found that our lines of communication have opened up quite a bit. It's easier for them when we do things according to when they are ready, not when me and the rest of the world are ready.


So today, I have a lot of things to be thankful for.

Despite all of my handwashing effort, the girls passed their colds onto me. Yuck. They're in bed for naptime and that's where I'm headed too.

Erma took a chunk of fur out of Grace's neck yesterday. I noticed it last night. There's a circle bigger than the size of a quarter on the back of her neck, furless. It's gross. I hope it grows back, otherwise she will be pretty gross looking for the rest of her life.


Snow today. I was scheduled to volunteer in the babysitting room at church today. It seems to snow every Sunday these days! We opted out of going to the first service as a family because 'A' has a runny nose and fever today. I went to the second service alone to watch the other kids.


A woman came in to nurse her one month old baby. It was her first baby and I told her that I gave her a lot of credit for sitting down and nursing comfortably in public so soon. It took me a little bit longer to get there with 'A'. She opened up about how unprepared she was for motherhood, that she feels so unproductive and frustrated, and she didn't realize how much work is involved with taking care of an infant. Oh boy, she's not alone! It's taken me almost 4 years to understand that being productive in a task-oriented way doesn't have to be a priority.


Waffles. Breakfast of champions.


I just found out about a Northwest Earth Institute course that will run at our church for the next few months. I'm so excited to sign up for it. The topic is "Healthy Children - Healthy Planet". The goals of the course are:

• To understand how the pervasive effects of advertising, media, and our consumer culture can influence a child's view of the world.

• To discover ways to create meaningful family times and healthful environments for children.

• To explore ways to develop a child's connection to nature, and to foster creativity.


Emily is getting married on April 25. She's taken a laid-back approach to wedding planning until recently. She doesn't have a dress yet, so Jennifer and I are planning to go shopping with her next weekend. I am starting to think that Jennifer and I are going to like this shopping expedition more than Emily! It's a lot of fun to plan a wedding after you've already had one!


Jeff made popcorn this afternoon and we enjoyed it while we watched the start of the Eagles-Cardinals game.

I saw this and liked it:

"Rest in the season in which God has placed you."

The person who wrote it was referring to raising and appreciating young children, but it obviously refers to all seasons of our lives.

The girls were sick today with your run-of-the-mill colds. We played at home this morning.


This afternoon we had a scheduled appointment to see a cardiologist to follow up with 'H's VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect). We already knew that it had closed up, but she was due for a follow-up appointment and I took her in to get some closure on the issue. Now it's officially official - it did clear up.


Both girls did a great job during the appointment. It probably helped that I gave them lollipops to suck on. I figured it would keep 'H' quiet during the EKG. The doctor also listened to her lungs and her junky cough and said she should get better on her own soon.

After some discussion and thought, the preschool decision has been made. We still can change our minds, but we've chosen a path to head down.

First, I visited the Montessori school today. There was a lot that I liked. It was very... Montessori. What I didn't like - and I still can't get over - is the price. $6,000! For a year of half day preschool! Yes, that's right, $6K. It isn't worth that much. Is there a preschool worth that much? Maybe in other places, for other people. Not for us.

Our final decision is one that I am very happy with. Neither 'A' nor 'H' will be enrolled in a formal preschool program next year. Their teacher will be *me* and we will continue to do all of the neat stuff we do now, only with a little bit more structure to it (hidden meaning: I won't be running errands whenever it suits my needs, and we will have a regular volunteer gig in town). I am thrilled. My children are just children, and they belong with me.

This is 'H' talking on the "phone" to Daddy. "Allo Dad-dy."

I called Jennifer, my sister, after I visited one of the preschools this morning. Jennifer is usually the person I check in with about big-life stuff. In my opinion, she is both very wise and absolutely crazy in her thought process, so I am always sure to get a nice, well-rounded response from her.

If I had to pick one word to describe the classroom, it would be "orderly." Everything was put away when I got there and the children were sitting in a circle on the floor, ready for Show and Tell. They raised their hands to speak and they sat still and paid attention. Sounds good to me! I love an orderly environment. But when I started to look around the room, I felt my breathing get tight. Everything was hung up in straight lines. And all of the artwork looked exactly the same. Apart from the child's name at the bottom, you couldn't tell who the artist was. It was like an accountant or mechanical engineer had come and decorated the room. Weird.

The children certainly were being prepared for Kindergarten, and for parents who want their children to know the right academic stuff and know how to follow along with the teacher, the program is probably perfect. That stuff isn't important to me. I teach that at home. 'A' knows how to follow the rules, wait in line and listen. She knows colors, numbers, her name.

Jennifer laughed. "Yes! I know! My kids were the same age as yours when I started going to all of those home school meetings."

What I want her to learn before Kindergarten is how to have confidence in her own decisions and how to respect herself. Girls can have such a hard time those first few years of school, as they figure out how to exert their influence, how to fit in, how to get through the day without being excluded or picked on by other girls. I don't expect that 'A' will be exempt from any of that behavior. More than anything, I want her to feel self-confident enough so that when other girls tell her that she can't play with them, she thinks, "they're not feeling good today. I'll have more fun with someone else right now," rather than, "they said I couldn't play with them, that must mean something is wrong with me."

She has one more year before we launch her into the cookie-cutter world of public school. For now, I want her in a program that values her individuality. I want her to feel comfortable being herself. When it's time for school, she'll most likely do fine. Jeff and I did exceptionally well in the school environment and we have no reason to believe our children won't do well. But school teaches academics and social conformity. I don't want to rush all of that, she has a whole lifetime ahead to try to gain knowledge and fit in with the group.

I'm meeting with the Montessori folks tomorrow.

PS Who went and bought all of the bok choy at the store? I couldn't find any today!

I have so many questions about something so simple. Where is 'A' going to go to preschool next year?


She has a few options. I can keep her at her current preschool, at the nursing home. Or I can send her to the new UPK in town. Or she could possibly go to the Montessori school in town. That's one where she would have to apply and be accepted.


All of these options have pros and cons. The real question I am asking is this: why is she going? There are so many things that she is learning at home with me and 'H' that she should be learning at home at this age. So, if I send her away for a few hours either 3 or 5 days a week, what might she be learning at preschool that she wouldn't learn at home? There are certain things that she learns when she's away from me that are good for her. My question involves the balance between the two. Is what she would be exposed to in preschool worth the 3 or 5 days away?


All preschools are not equal. At her current school, she would have regular contact with older adults and adults with physical needs. That is a huge plus. She also would have the same teacher who is familiar and comfortable with her dairy and egg allergies, also a huge plus. And I love the health and fitness aspect of the program, and the foreign language component. It's 3 days a week, also a huge plus for her. But it's in the afternoon, which is not my first choice.

At the UPK in town, ... Well, it's free, if the budget is passed (I'm not holding my breath this year, in this economy). I'm going to observe a class tomorrow morning so I'll know more about the huge pluses there soon. It's 5 days a week, not my first choice for 'A'.

The Montessori school is ultimately my first choice for her. She would do very well in their environment. She is heavily into role play now and I love that they build on the child's natural inclinations. She's very independent, very secure doing her own thing, and she likes it when others respect that. But it's 5 days a week. And probably prohibitively expensive, although I won't know how much it is until we fill out the financial aid paperwork.


In the grand scheme of things, it's really not a big deal. But in terms of our family life, it is a big deal. So many things to think about. And I'm running out of time.

This is what 'A' drew when no one was looking. I found it this morning. "Did you draw this cat?" I asked. "I drew those feet there." "How about the rest of it?" "Yes, it has a lot of whiskers."