Everyday Life for Four Seasons

Today when I dropped 'A' off at preschool, the teacher showed us the new chicks that hatched. The eggs have been in the incubator for a few weeks and it's very exciting to see the little babies here safe and sound. I'm told that one year all of the chicks died shortly after hatching and I can imagine how traumatic that might have been for the children.

Anyway, these chicks are alive and well. I was reminded today of my childhood visits to see my grandparents in the spring. My grandfather always kept chickens - a number of chickens, and not just any chickens for any old reason, either. Grandpa Fred was a world-renowned poultry geneticist and if you walked through the pens in his backyard, you could see some of his work in progress. He would spend hours in the backyard just sitting and observing bird behavior. He raised Bantams, which produced little off-white eggs. It's incredible that those big birds can come out of a tiny little egg.


At preschool today, there was one box set up with a heat lamp for the chicks that were fluffy and walking around, and the others who were newly hatched and still wet were still in the incubator. I went over to the incubator to take a peek and found there were four eggs that hadn't hatched yet - well, almost four - one was starting to hatch at that very moment! Even after all of my years visiting Grandpa Fred, and seeing the incubators, and holding the new babies, I had never watched one hatch. I went immediately to tell Miss Katy, who said it could take a long time or a little amount of time for the bird to come out... you never know. So I went back and watched and waited, and sure enough, a few minutes later, a new baby chick pushed out of the shell. It was so exciting! There is nothing as magical as watching new life come into the world.


After all of the chicken excitement died down, it was time to take a class trip to the fire station. You might think that this would be a fun and exciting trip for children, and it probably is, as long as those children aren't mine. 'H' was freaked out and needed to be held the whole time, and 'A' did fine until the firemen started to lift the kids into the ladder truck so they could take a look around, and then she freaked out. She wanted to go, but wanted me to lift her in and go in with her. Oh, the crying, the tears! Needless to say, she missed her chance to see the inside of the truck. The tears drained us all.


It's so hard to know how to parent sometimes. At their ages - 2 and 4 years old - I am finding that patience and understanding are the two most important things I rely on now. Both 'A' and 'H' are on their own journeys and they each want me right by their side. Jeff and I talk a lot about specific situations: how did my reaction go over? Is there anything I would do differently in the future? What do these girls each need?

We both recently read a book called "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn. It gave us a lot to think about. In fact, when I'm in the middle of a fire station meltdown, I do take a moment to think, "What would Alfie tell me to do?" The point of the book is to explore ways to raise our children so that they are comfortable with themselves and comfortable making responsible decisions, and not use punishment or rewards to teach them how to do it. It's about learning to love our children, and let them know we love them, unconditionally. He says that emotional and mental punishments like time-outs are just as bad as physical punishments, and that rewards like sticker charts and special TV time or presents are just as bad, if not worse than punishment. Punishment is punishment, and reward is reward, and as parents we use both to get our children to do something we want them to do. If they do it, they know we are pleased, and if they don't, they know we aren't, and either result is conveying the message that our relationship with them is conditional and based on good behavior in order to gain our approval.

Okay, got that. But what about the firestation? If I were there alone with the girls, of course I would have hopped in the truck with 'A' and all would have been right with the world. But she was in line with the other kids - 14 total - and in that situation, the truck wasn't for parents or grown ups, it was only for the kids. She is going to eventually learn that sometimes you have to go with the flow if you want to be a part of the action.