Everyday Life for Four Seasons

Our Unitarian Univeralist Joint Service was held at the Round Lake Auditorium today. I love the annual joint service - it's a time for me to feel reenergized, to feel the love of UUs all around. And the Round Lake Auditorium is beautiful. If you're "in the know" about organs, you'll be happy to hear that it's home to a 1900–pipe Ferris Tracker organ. I'm not "in the know," and I'm impressed. We had a nice morning, followed by an equally nice (and relaxing) afternoon, family style.

This week: you'll hear about upcoming menus tomorrow, and later this week about how I'm learning the importance - and meaning behind - saying "No."

I love so many things about how we live in the present day, but one thing I don't like is how we live in a culture of fear. Sometimes it's warranted, sometimes not.

I'm a parent of two girls who are 4 and 6 years old. Not a week goes by that I'm not reminded about how "scary" the world is for parents and their children.

I hear the voices of fearful parents all around. Parents of teenagers and pre-teens leave their children home alone and worry about what is going to go wrong; parents of young children don't let their children play in the yard alone, for fear that an animal or human predator will attack them. Children don't go to camp because their parents fear they might be afraid of the activity of the day; they don't go on nature walks because a tick might bite them. The list goes on and on. The message? Our children aren't safe. Someone, or something, is going to get them, and it's our job to protect them.

Sure, those things could happen. More often than not they don't happen. Is the world really a more dangerous place than it used to be? Or is it our perception?

I try hard to not give into the fear. My children play outside without me watching over them; in public places they sometimes leave me to observe something they see. As time goes on and they get older, their range of independence will grow. I like to think I'm comfortable with it. After all, when I was their age, I was walking to kindergarten on my own (1/2 mile each way, and I took the shortcut through people's backyards), walking with my sisters and cousins to the candy store (1 mile each way), and riding my bike around the neighborhood with friends. I wasn't older than 5 or 6 years old. I never felt that I was in any danger, and apparently, because I'm here to tell the tale, I wasn't.

Just as my parents didn't keep me close to them out of fear, I can't keep my children hidden away in hopes that danger will never touch them. How would they learn and grow if I didn't let them out into the world? I do tell them what to watch out for, what to notice, but I can't live their lives for them. I can't learn their lessons for them. I can't have their experiences for them.

All of this is easy to say when I'm feeling safe and in control. The other night something happened here and I had a flash of doubt about my children's safety. The feeling settled down and I thought it through, and I'm back to trusting that we're all as safe as we can be.

It happened while Jeff and I were eating dinner. I gave the girls each a popsicle and told them to eat outside. They were outdoors for a while. Jeff mentioned that it seemed awfully quiet out there. From my chair, I couldn't see them, but I assumed they were fine and didn't give it a second thought. Just then, they came inside and announced that they had walked all the way down the street and back, just like they did last night. What??? I didn't know they had walked down the street and back last night. Were they safe? Did they watch for cars? 'H' said, "we didn't even get hit by a car, not even once!" Bless her! Even in my disbelief and mild shock, I thought she was so cute.

In that moment, I didn't think it was okay for my children to be exploring the neighborhood with such a free reign. Now that I've had time to think about it, I see that I was most upset because I didn't know in advance what they had planned to do. I appreciate how they were relaxed and living in the moment, one thing leading to another, and before they knew it they had set out on a journey to the end of the street. But what would have happened if I had looked for them and couldn't find them? I would have panicked, and that would have been ugly.

In my heart I want to let them go free, the way I had so many chances to go free. My head is almost there. I'm not sure what it will take to align both in the right direction. What I do know is that I can't live in fear.

As I've said recently, I'm feeling a *little* overwhelmed with all I have to do. By "a little" I mean A LOT. The crazy thing is that when I look at all I have to do, it's basically good stuff, things I love to do. I have nothing to complain about. We have (more than) enough food to eat and clean water to drink; a safe, comfortable place to sleep; two healthy, wonderful children; a supportive, energetic network of friends; we have the luxury of walking barefoot in our backyard and watching the birds every day (hey, I lived in New York City and not a day goes by when I don't give thanks for this green space we have outside our door); and most of all, I get to spend my day educating my children and cooking up fresh food. It's all good.

Good for me, anyway. I know plenty of people (including many of my near and dear relatives) who would never want to spend the day as I do, but for me, it's perfect. Almost. If it were a little less busy it would be better. Isn't this the chant of most people? I've asked various people for a few years how to slow it all down. I've gotten a lot of answers, but so far not many of them have applied to my life. Most people I ask say, "I don't know how to slow things down." The supermarket magazines all promise that if I buy a new set of baskets or other organizational tool, my life will slow down and I'll appreciate the smaller things. I attend our UU church most Sundays, and there I absorb the lesson that if I keep our family schedule pared down, spend time in nature, and talk with my children about (among other things) spirituality, life will slow down.

What I've learned, after listening to countless women talk about how they spend their time, is that life for mothers of dependent children is never slow. The take-away lesson is this: "You have a lot to do everyday. Get used to it. Steal moments for yourself when you can. Appreciate your children today even if they are acting in a way that exasperates you. They will grow older soon, and you'll look back on these years fondly. Oddly enough, you'll look back on these years as slow years, even though for you, they went by in a flash."

OK, lesson absorbed. If I can't slow it down, how can I at least have a little peace? I'm tired of waking up in the middle of the night, thinking of all the things I have to do. I'm tired of knowing that there's always something that needs to be tended to, and most likely it's something I'm sure I'm forgetting about.

I thought I was addressing this issue a month or two ago when I got my new phone. Wow, internet, calendar, and phone in ONE! What couldn't I do now? Well, I'll tell you what I couldn't do: make a LIST that worked. All my adult life I've been a "list maker." I've always used a pen and paper, and my list includes things that need to be done today as well as things I would like to have done at some point in the future. I would number it, rewrite it, put notes in the margin. With my phone, I couldn't make the list work the way I wanted.

Last night I decided to change that. I downloaded a trial version of a program called DejaOffice and it lets me add tasks with specific time frames, which I like. There's also room to add notes to my tasks, something akin to writing in the margin. I think this might help me get back on the right track. I can write things down and keep better track of what's outstanding, and I won't have to wake up at night wondering about all the things I have to do. That sounds delightful, doesn't it?

I love my "old fashioned" ways of keeping things organized, but I'm learning how to embrace technology. I think I can meld the two together in a way that works for me.

What kinds of technology work for you?

As I've said recently, we're more of an unschooling family than anything else. That means we don't follow a specific curriculum but instead take opportunities to learn as they come our way. This week our resident House Finch family that built a nest in the hanging plant at our front door has been the inspiration for learning more about birds. The girls and I checked out a few library books in hopes of finding answers to the following questions:

How does the mother lay eggs?
Do other birds move into the nest after one bird family is done with it?
What do newly hatched birds eat?
How long do birds live?
Why do birds such as cowbirds lay their eggs in another bird's nest?

I also found this fantastic online resource that outlines an activity for building a nest.

Using the books, the nest outside our door and a naturalist class or two, we'll find out the answers to these questions.

:: And then there were five... ::

I'm getting organized. I know, getting organized is so boring, it's an old, sad story. It goes like this: I get organized, then disorganized, then organized again, then disorganized again. I'm getting sick of it too. But I'm back in the saddle and trying again to get organized, so here it goes.

My basic problem is that I'm overwhelmed with the sheer amount of things I have to do. It is simply amazing to me that I devote very few hours of the day to paid work, and still I have too much to do. I would think that someone like me would have more time to... I don't know, sit down perhaps? Relax?


I don't, and I know why. Culprit #1: I don't say "No" enough. I'm working on it. Culprit #2: I have too many interests. I get scattered and my time slips away in so many directions. Culprit #3: I make all of our food from scratch. That takes time. Culprit #4: Let's face it, I like to be busy.

With all of that in mind, I've decided to organize my time differently. Maybe this is the answer! (Or not, I know it's not. But it's fun to dream) I've decided to break the weekdays up and write about certain things on certain days. Here is what you can look forward to hearing about around here:

Monday Meal Planning: What's cooking here this week?

Tuesday: Free day (you'll hear about whatever is on my mind that day)

Homeschool Wednesday: What lessons are the girls learning?

Organized Thursday: Despite the fact that I say I'm disorganized, my home, kitchen and life are actually pretty well organized. I'll tell you what's working in that department.

Life Lessons Friday: This is a sticky, tricky one. This gets to the heart and soul of me. Lately I have found that no matter how I say things, sometimes I feel I'm not being heard by the people I'm talking to. Other people who are around in my life hear me loud and clear and they think what I have to say makes sense. But the people I'm trying to talk to aren't listening. I'm starting to feel frustrated, and I hate that feeling. I've decided that on Fridays I'll write about this frustration, or write about what I want to say (that isn't being heard), and hopefully this will help me to feel better.

So stay tuned!

Finally, FINALLY, I've got two spare minutes, and I'm going to spend it telling you about the food swap!

First of all, do go to a food swap if you hear about one, and if you're close to me, register for this one and GO!


This was my first ever food swap and I had no idea what to expect. I figured I would bring some of my own homemade goodness and trade it for other homemade goodness. I had no idea what other kinds of items would be there, and what things would tickle my fancy.

I had hoped someone would bring a dependable sourdough starter, and although I didn't see one there on Wednesday, I am hoping someone will bring one in the future. I would swap for that.

Our swap was organized by Christina of From Scratch Club and hosted by Ashley who own Common Tread Saratoga, a fabulous knitting store.

I brought granola that I had made (I make so much granola every week; I figured I would bring something that I make a lot of all the time). I also brought lemon balm plants and catmint plants that I have growing in my garden. I make tea from both leaves. The catmint tea is really good to have after you've overeaten a delicious meal (not that something like that has EVER happened to me, *smile*). The lemon balm is wonderful in iced tea. I make a big pot of black tea and throw in some fresh lemon balm leaves to add some lemony, minty flavor. Yum!

Other people brought canned goods (jams, pickled items, sauces); baked goods (scones, savory and sweet), and Dianna, bless her soul, a wise woman who understands what women want more than anything, brought dinner-for-tomorrow. I swapped for TWO of her dinners-for-tomorrow, and I walked away with both gourmet enchiladas and chana masala. I think I speak for a lot of women when I say that pre-made dinner is the most wonderful gift ever. It doesn't matter who you are, or how you spend your time... dinner made by someone else is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

When I arrived I unpacked my loot and laid it out on the table. When the time came to review all the items and start swapping, I looked everything over and made my decisions. I had 8 items that I brought, so I wrote my name next to 8 items I wanted. I waited and held my breath and then... swap time! It was like playing "Pit", the card game. Whose name is down next to my lemon balm? What do you have for it? Granola? Yes, I can give it to you if you give me your strawberry jam.
And so on. It was a lot of fun and I feel like I made out like a bandit!

The next swap is Wednesday, June 15. What will I bring? I'll tell you, I've been making really good yogurt lately. I'll share a recipe this week. Maybe I'll bring that? I might also make a dinner-for-tomorrow dish. Maybe a meat rub mix for father's day?

Now there are four eggs in the nest. Yes, I would say I'm becoming obsessed.

Today

Already:
Made yogurt
Sorted through 'A's summer clothing and stored her winter clothing

Have to:
Work on a few websites
Make Nan (Indian bread) and rice to go with our Chana Masala dinner (a fabulous food swap item I scored the other night)

Want to:
Tell you all about the food swap!

In the meantime, you can read more about the food swap here, on From Scratch Club's blog (Chris organized the swap and she did a super job!). And you can find my post about Hakurei Turnips on FSC's blog .

Have a great day.

Our home is buzzing with excitement. First of all, I went to the BEST food swap last night. I spent time with people who love good food just like I do. Wow, it was refreshing. When I get my photos together I'll post a full review for you - tomorrow sounds like a good time to do that.

We also have some excitement in the Bird department.

We've been watching a new mystery bird at the feeder for about two weeks. It's larger than a house finch and smaller than a cardinal. Bright red at the head, and red all the way to the tail. Big beak. Brown and white striped wings. I've been looking at the bird book, wondering what it could be. Today I identified it: a Purple Finch. I told my mother, another bird watcher, and she said she's only seen one in her life (amazing, considering she's spent her life looking at birds). This is very exciting!

That's not all for our bird news. I realized late last night that a house finch had built a nest in the hanging plant outside the front door. This is at once fascinating and a huge inconvenience. We've watched finches lay eggs before, watched the babies hatch, and then watched them learn to fly. I look forward to doing that again. But having it at our door means we have a moral obligation to not use the front door or make a lot of noise near the door until the babies are out of the nest. The things we do for the birds around here.

I stood up on a chair and snapped a photo of the eggs. Yes, they're house finch eggs... two of them are, anyway. The third egg belongs to a cowbird. Cowbirds don't build their own nests or sit on their eggs - they lay their eggs in another nest. Sometimes they take out an egg that belongs in the nest and replace it with their own. I believe this happened here! Yesterday, 'H' and 'A' found a cracked finch egg on the driveway of all places. It had a yolk and everything in it. Now if I had mischievous children, I might believe that they found a nest and took out an egg. But my children wouldn't do that. I swear. Besides, they're too short to reach a finch nest. Now, how would that egg have ended up on my driveway? I believe a cowbird took it out of the house finch nest and replaced it with her own, then dropped the egg away from the nest. Sneaky.

Fun stuff. This is about as exciting as I like my life to get.

The rain stopped for a short time yesterday, so I went outside and planted the little transplants that I've had for over a week now. Pac choi, lettuce, basil, zucchini, patty pan squash, cucumbers, nasturtium, marigolds, rosemary, turnips and peppers. The tomatoes are coming this week. As I was outside planting this:


... I saw this:


... flower buds and flowers everywhere!

And on my way inside, I stopped to pick some of these:


A good day indeed.

I've told you a lot about our adventures with food allergies lately but not so much about our homeschooling adventures. We've been having a lot of fun! So much of it at this point is nature-based, because that's such a natural interest for my children who are 4 and 6 years old. But 'A' has been practicing some math too and after she gets new glasses next week I'm thinking her reading might kick in a bit more (yes... she's as blind as a bat and we'll see just how much she can't see at the doctor's office next week. That could explain why she so strongly rejects learning how to read most days).

We took a trip to Up Yonda Farm in Bolton Landing, the sweetest little Adirondack town. We met up with homeschooling friends and learned about the different types of creatures that live in ponds. The kids all got to use nets to scoop out as many creatures as they could find and put them all in an aquarium tank for observation. This kind of activity is so much fun for kids of all ages (and adults too, if I can be perfectly honest!). Up Yonda has so many programs running and we're all going back a few more times this summer.


After a year of homeschooling, I have come to define myself as an unschooler. For me that means I'm most comfortable going through each day without an agenda, without a curriculum, without an idea of what my children will be learning that day. I prefer to let it unfold for us. Luckily, we have plenty of opportunities throughout the day to let that happen and still learn tons. There are also times when my kids really want to do things so we take time to do them (like yesterday, when 'A' wanted to know how to add big numbers and carry the 1), and times when they don't want to do things, so we don't (like when 'A' does NOT want to learn to read and write more). I follow their lead and trust that it'll all work out in the end.

I've been reading Einstein Never Used Flash Cards by Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Kathy Hirsh-Pasek and Diane Eyer, about how children learn best through play, and I am struck by the chapter about the definition of play. Here is how the authors define play:

:: It is pleasurable and enjoyable (it's fun!)
:: It has no extrinsic goals (the point of playing is not to learn certain skills or facts, the point of playing is to play)
:: It is spontaneous and voluntary
:: It involves active engagement (you have to want to do it, and get involved)
:: It contains an element of make believe

I can't tell you how much of our daily life resembles this description of play. For us, it works. It makes us happy.

If there's one thing I thought I had learned about living with a child with food allergies, it's this: "As much as you want to have hope that she'll outgrow it, keep your hope tempered. Don't get too excited about new treatments or milestones, because what works one day might not work the next." How is that for depressing? I've been trying something new with 'A' and it's been working so far, but today I pushed too far and we hit a wall. What I've been doing is feeding her baked products that contain milk. Research shows that children who are allergic to milk are able to eat foods that have been baked for 20-30 minutes. What's more, these same children who eat baked products every day are more likely to outgrow their allergy sooner.

I've been thinking back to a time a few years ago when 'A' ate a cookie at a friend's house that was made with butter and eggs and she had absolutely no reaction whatsoever. Wondering if she might be able to tolerate baked goods made with dairy, I made her a cake using milk last week. We sat down and I tested it on her skin first (the inside of her arm, the back of her neck, her face, her lips) and then she held a small piece inside her mouth for a minute. When I was sure she was fine, I fed her a small piece. Then a larger piece. So far, so good. For a few days, she ate a piece of cake a day.

This weekend I ran out of baked cake and needed to make muffins for her to eat, so I picked up some rhubarb at the farmer's market and today I made two different batches. One is made with sour cream. The other is made with both milk and butter. I've been wondering about whether or not I can bake with butter. It's certainly cheaper than the margarine she eats and when you consider that the ingredients in the margarine are linked to cancer, it's significantly healthier too.

Can I bake with butter? Not yet. I don't think so, anyway. I had her try a bite of one of the butter and milk muffins and her throat became irritated and she started to cough. In my experience, she was headed for an anaphylactic reaction, so I gave her a dose of Benadryl right away and within a few minutes she was fine. Some questions remain. If I had used rice milk instead of cow milk in the recipe, reducing the total amount of dairy protein, would she have been fine?

I have to say, I'm tired of this. It's not just that I'm tired of spending all my time cooking (I go through phases with cooking, and right now I'm tired of it), but I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of being the overprotective, bitch mom who doesn't let her kid do anything. I'm tired of living part of my life in fear. I'm tired of being angry that food labels don't disclose all of the hidden dairy and corn. I'm tired of being resentful that the world is set up for children who can eat all the foods that 'A' can't. I'm just tired.