Everyday Life for Four Seasons

The exterminator came back today to remove more "friends" from the traps. He only got one flying squirrel and no mice. No mice? How can that be? He told me that he kept the flying squirrel he caught last week and brought it home as a pet. "Your wife is okay with this?" I asked. He says it really likes the pecans he feeds it. At least he already knows it likes to live indoors!


Jeff and I came to the conclusion last night - once again - that 'A' is in some ways just like us. And it's not something I'm totally happy about. She had her gymnastics class yesterday and she kept acting goofy in class. She would fall down and roll around when she was supposed to be jumping, or purposely do the balance beam all funky. It's not like she doesn't know how to do any of that stuff - she plays "gymnastics" at home and loves it. She feels so proud of herself for doing the balance beam, and for doing her jumps. So why was she acting this way? I was really confused.


We think what it boils down to is that she doesn't like it when we hype something up in advance. Yesterday was the first gymnastics class in the new session, and the night before I had told her about the class and made it sound exciting. I guess for many kids, that kind of excitment would be a good thing, and they might look forward to class and be happy about doing the activities.


But, if she's anything like me, it backfires. I wouldn't say that I have a resistance to authority, and I wouldn't say that I have a fear of commitment either. I'm 35 years old and I still don't know if there is a label for it. I can say that I inherited it directly from my father, I think, and that my younger sister probably has it too. I guess the easiest way to describe it is to say that I need a lot of space to process things, and a lot of flexibility to make my own determination about whether something is good or bad. Maybe the word is "autonomous." So, if my mother had said to me, "we're going to gymnastics class tomorrow and you'll have a chance to do some jumping and walk on the balance beam! Doesn't that sound like fun?" I probably would have said, "let's just see when we get there if I feel like doing any of that stuff and I'll be the one to let you know if it's a good idea or not."


So now I know that I have a little "me" here. And you could say that there is a part of Jeff that is like that too. His need for space and independence is a little different, but he has it too. You can't hover over him or tell him what to think, or he will bristle too. It works out well that we both need space because while he's busy needing his space, he's not infiltrating mine, and that makes me happy.


Sometimes I tell him that I feel like a bad mother with 'A' because I don't give her enough of the warm and fuzzy mothering that mothers are supposed to give. But as he points out, she doesn't need it. And that's nice, because it's not really my style to give it.

'H' on the other hand is a different creature. I guess we'll cross some of her bridges when we come to them.


This isn't the first time we've talked about 'A' and her need to be autonomous and have space and independence on her terms. It seems that anytime I try to hype something up, she gets turned off by it. When I set up the sticker reward chart for potty training, she asked me to take it down. If I tell her that her preschool teacher is excited to see her and enjoys having her in class, she spends the morning completely ignoring her. If I serve her a new food and even mention it in advance, she says she doesn't like it. I don't like making everything a surprise, but if we talk about it in advance, she gets a little out of sorts, like I'm forcing her to do or think or feel something.


I haven't called my mom yet to talk about it. She'll probably just laugh and laugh. Most likely though, she'll say that 'A' is the luckiest child in the world to be raised by two parents who understand her individual needs. I really hope we can say the same thing about 'H'.


Snow tomorrow, a bunch of snow. I went out and bought Jeff a desk today so he can work from home tomorrow. Now he has something to do tonight - set up the desk. As if he needed another project! Poor guy. Maybe he can sneak in some snowshoeing tomorrow or this weekend.

Look what I found outside today - my thyme plant, and it's still alive and well! It's a sign that it wants to come indoors this winter. Let's see how long it takes for it to die. They always do.

That white stuff is snow. It was covered.

Today Jeff and I celebrate the anniversary of our first date. It's a story that's been retold a thousand times and I'm sure everyone who hears it is bored of it, except for us. It's our special story. We we didn't think we would really like each other, and when we did finally meet, we were pleasantly surprised to find that we got along easily. We had a very nice time. After our date was over and I went to stay at Jennifer's house, my smile told her all she needed to know.

Actually, that's not completely true. It told Bill all that he needed to know - it gave Jennifer a place to start. Jennifer asks a million questions about everything. I probably smiled my way through all of that grilling!


I grew up with a very close relationship to the water and my parents have taught me a lot about the ebb and flow of things. The tide goes out, which can be upsetting if you want to swim or sail, but if you want to look for shells, or walk way out on the flats and see the land from a different viewpoint, it's a good thing. Things are in a constant state of change, and depending on how you look at it, it can be good or bad. Relationships are the same way. Take me and Jeff. We're in a time of change right now. I know because he's been spending a lot more time and energy "pitching in" around the house. I asked him why, and he said he likes to feel productive. At the same time, I've been spending significantly less time these past few months on household tasks. Our kitchen floor is dirty, my filing pile is through the roof, and I really should be better at putting the laundry away, but I just avert my eyes and take a few more photos of my kids instead of focusing on taking care of my "stuff." I am trying to find a balance between enjoying the moment and taking care of my responsibilities. I guess I'm trying to define my responsibilities - how important is the kitchen floor? Can I afford to spend less time taking care of it?

Back to our priority list - the list of things that makes us feel wealthy - I had noticed when we made it that "having a nice, or at least comfortable home" wasn't on the list. I do try to keep up the house, but having a nice house isn't something that makes a difference to me. You should see some of the places I've lived. I think for Jeff it matters more to have a nice home, but even for him, that didn't make it onto the list. Knowing this gives me some breathing room to focus on the other things and less on our home.

So, we'll see where all of this takes me and Jeff. Is our tide going out or coming in? Are we open to going in this direction? Will we be able to see the good things along the way? Or will we always be looking back, or looking ahead, to see what what we're missing?

Today the girls and I ran a few errands, went to the gym (I hope to make the Friday pilates class a regular "thing"!) and then waited for the exterminator to come. He was really very normal, not at all shaky like some others I have met, and that tells me that he spends more time handling live animals and doing assessments and preparation than handling poisons. He cut a door through 'A's closet to the attic above the house, which we hadn't had access to. I was nervous for him, and for me, before he did it, and I told him so. When you know you have animals, and you know your roof needs repair, you never know what you're going to find when you cut into an attic. My fears were unfounded, and in fact he told me that there's quite a bit of insulation up there, despite the fact that Jeff and I are convinced we have NONE. It gets so cold here! Maybe we just need a few more years to get acclimated to the upstate NY winters :).

He did come downstairs with a "pet" flying squirrel and tried to show it to me. I said, "NO! Thank you, but no thank you." I asked him what he does with them. He said he releases them behind their building. So, if you've ever wanted a good reason to not live next door to an exterminator, here is one: they will release wild animals right next door to your house!


Today 'A' and 'H' colored all over 'A's new calendar with marker. I was very upset and disappointed. But luckily Jeff came home and put it all in perspective for me. If you ever want perspective, ask a man. He said, "so you're upset that your 1 and 3 year olds were acting like 1 and 3 year olds?" And with that, the situation was over.


Let's see if 'A' falls asleep OK tonight. She still needs an afternoon nap, but when she has one, she takes a while to fall asleep. And when she doesn't have one, she's very tired and isn't quite "right." For over a month I have been giving her a regular afternoon nap and she's grown over an inch! My mother always says that children grow in their sleep. I think what she means is that children need sleep to grow. I'm not sure they actually do their growing while their eyes are shut. Or do they?

This is what a 3 year old with bed-head and a Halloween mask looks like!

Do this exercise with me: imagine that it is really cold. Colder than you ever remember it. Now imagine that you are at my house. Guess what? It's really cold here today! This has been my reality today. bbrrr.... let's hope it gets warmer real soon!

I wish you all the happiness for the coming year.

Happy New Year's Eve!

This is my last post of the year. I haven't actually posted a photo a day this year, as I had intended. I don't know if I've really learned a lot about photography or improved my skills all that much, but I have enjoyed posting to this blog. I am going to continue it into next year.

These prints were part of our hanukkah presents for the girls. I found them on Etsy - a woman in Minnesota makes them and they are just adorable. The zebra is for 'H', since she is so taken with zebras (ever since our safari in Florida last month) and the giraffe is for 'A', since she "helped" Jeff feed them.


It's snowing here today. We are laying low for New Year's Eve this year. We have traditionally done something different each year, so laying low is a continuation of that theme. We're planning a late dinner, to enjoy after the girls go to bed. It will NOT be a repeat of one of our most memorable New Year's Eve celebrations yet - the one where we made a late dinner with Jennifer and Bill and consumed at least 2 bottles of wine each, and then I decided to deal with my drunkeness by throwing it all up. Classy.


Tomorrow we get to move the bulk of our things out of the attic so that the exterminators can come and lay traps for all of our "friends" who live in the walls. Within a week, the house will be sealed, the "friends" will be gone, and everything will be sterilized!

I am so happy that Jeff and I made the priority list last week. It's really helped me make some decisions that I otherwise wouldn't have considered. For instance, we realized that we both want to contribute more to our retirement. Jeff goes through his plan at work. I have an account with TIAA-CREF that I've had forever. I could just put more into that, but there is another item on the priority list that deserves attention, and that is "respecting the environment." So I am going to open an IRA that invests in socially responsible funds, primarily environmentally-friendly companies. I probably never would have thought to do that unless I had made the list and had some space to think about it.


While I've been focusing on our priority list and running all the numbers this week, I've done only minimal work on my "active" stuff - usually this all fits into a file folder, but somehow it grew into a basket this week! Oh my!

Have a wonderful start to your New Year! If you are thinking of starting a regular exercise program, that is fantastic! If you are already a regular at your gym, then know that my sympathies are with you this coming month as the number of members swells and you can't find an open piece of equipment. Luckily, it all goes back to normal by February. We'll deal.

ahhh... Autocrat coffee! Their logo is a swallow and their slogan is - or used to be, anyway - "A Swallow Will Tell You!" We served it at Bee Bee's - Bee Bee Dairy, the restaurant where I worked after I turned 16. My sister, Jennifer, worked at Bee Bee's too and when I was younger she would come home smelling like fried food (Bee Bee's was a coffee shop, the best coffee shop ever), and she would sit and count the change and $1 bills she got for tips. I guess once in a great while she would get a $5 bill, but that was a rare occurrence.

When I turned 16 my mother made me a cake and after I blew out my candles and opened my present, she said, "Let me know what your new job is by the end of the week." So I went down to Bee Bee's and talked to Mike, the manager, and I was hired. I was probably the worst waitress ever. I waitressed for several years, not always at Bee Bee's, and I never got any better. My main problem was that I just didn't care. I think a waitress is supposed to care about taking care of her customer's needs, but I never did.

I met Ron at Bee Bee's, one of a series of semi-serious boyfriends. I suppose that since we lived together for a few years, you might call him a serious boyfriend. But I'm not with him now, am I? No. So we'll keep him in the "semi-serious" category. I was only 19, what did I know?

Back to Autocrat. Bee Bee's had both booths and a long, winding counter with 27 seats at it (I think). Customers used to come in just for the coffee. We couldn't make enough of it. It was all Autocrat coffee, which is a local, Rhode Island brand. I loved it too, it's what got me drinking coffee in the first place. My dad lives in Rhode Island now and he and Marilyn prepared gift baskets for me and my sisters (and the men in our lives) for Christmas. All of the items were Rhode Island products. And a can of Autocrat was in there. I haven't thought about it - or tasted it - in years. I wondered if I would still like it. Jeff drinks the BJ's version of Starbucks, and claims that all other coffee is unworthy. I drink his coffee occasionally but it's always too strong and bitter for me, so I load it up with sugar and milk. Today I made a pot of Autocrat and it was like drinking a cup of heaven! Perfectly sweet and weak! I love it. It takes me back to my Bee Bee's days. What a treat. I never think about those days anymore.

On the feng shui front, I rearranged a few things in our wealth area of our home. I put a chair in the empty corner so that our wealth and abundance would sit and rest instead of collect dust or scatter and fly away. It seems to be working, because I just rolled $42 in change and I'm going to the bank tomorrow to deposit it. Cheers to our chi!

Today we woke up too late for church, so we went for a walk in the park instead. Jeff and I both had vivid dreams last night. He dreamed that he was enrolled in college classes but because he was so busy with work and travel, he missed all of his classes and had no idea what the exam was about or what the assignments were. Yeah, I've had those dreams and they are horrible! He needs to spend some time getting organized. My dream had no sense of urgency to it - it was all about good things. I was sitting on a panel to interview Hillary Clinton's senate replacement. I got to meet Hillary, Bill and Barack Obama in my dream! Pretty cool! It was such a cool dream that I didn't even mind that Jeff hogged the blanket all to himself and I didn't notice when 'A' woke up and wanted breakfast.


I'm taking down the Christmas tree today! I love this process - a month of decorations is enough for me. I want to see my bare corners again.

Happy holidays! I hope you are all doing well out there in the web-land.


I have been spending time thinking about priorities and resources - specifically, how Jeff and I make decisions about how to allocate our resources. I have never been so acutely aware of how precious the resource of time is until this past fall. Jeff traveled quite a bit and our time together was very limited. When we were together, we were busy with activities involving our children or the upkeep of our house. Fearing another season where the weeks slip away and we ask, "why didn't we do more of the activities we truly enjoy? Where did our time go?", I made an effort to put the four of us first during the time Jeff was home.


Now that he's been home for a few weeks, I'm thinking about it in a little more depth. How do we spend our time? How do we make decisions about it? And I'm asking the same questions about another important resource - money. How do we make decisions about what to do with it, and how do we feel about it?

• Having leisure time together


• Spending time with and appreciating our children and each other


• Being in good health and feeling physically fit


• Contributing to causes we care about


• Respecting the environment


• Spending time in nature


• Living in an uncluttered environment


• Saving for our retirement and for more home improvements

I like to feel grateful and I like to feel like I have "enough" - to feel wealthy - and I have found that if I have some goals or a general outline of what makes me feel that way, it's easier to recognize when I feel grateful and appreciative and when I feel selfish, stingy and "poor."

"Living in an uncluttered environment" was Jeff's contribution. It's definitely something I agree with - there's nothing I like better than cleaning out my closets and getting rid of everything in there. Very few items make it into my sentimental box, which is no larger than a shoe box and is currently half full. Jeff is not the greatest about cleaning things out and it surprised me to hear him say that he feels wealthier if he is living in an uncluttered space. The trick for him is going to be finding a system to keep his things organized and uncluttered. That's the hang-up. He can't use my system for his stuff, because my system works for me, not for him.

Interestingly enough, clearing out our home will not only get our chi moving around a little bit, it might also bring us some more money (and make us feel more wealthy!) because we have a number of things to sell.

Making this list is helpful for us because now we can use it as a roadmap and check the things we do and the money we spend against it. For instance, how do we want to spend our time this next month? I would love to paint some more rooms in the house, but when I look at the list, painting isn't going to make us feel as wealthy as selling the items in our attic will. So, we are spending some January weekends selling our stuff instead. We also really miss getting outdoors more often. Jeff has been skiing a few times each season, but I haven't been on a snowboard in 4 years and I would really like to go again soon. We are making time to do that this season.

We are finishing up our Hanukkah celebration and are all done with our Christmas celebration. I used to wonder if kids would get confused having both holidays, but when you think about it, they don't have anything to do with each other, so there's really no conflict. Well, unless you are a devout Christian and you have a problem with people who don't believe that Jesus was the son of God. I guess then you would have an issue with it. Luckily, that's not me!


Happy End of Year! This is the one time of year I am particularly happy to not be working in the non-profit world. Busy, busy, busy at this time of year, as everyone gets in their year-end charitable gifts. Speaking of that, there are still a few days to sneak in a few bucks to support your favorite cause. Food pantries are facing record shortages - they could use all the help they can get.

Another snow day! And the forecast for tomorrow calls for even more snow. I still don't mind the snow - as long as Jeff is here to clear the driveway! Seriously though, where I grew up in Connecticut (Norwich) it didn't snow nearly as much as it does here, and when it did snow, it melted within a few days. We didn't get to enjoy it like we do in upstate New York. I know that a lot of people don't like to deal with the snow, but for me, it's still a novelty.


My mother and stepfather arrived today to spend a few days celebrating Christmas together. They live on Cape Cod and since it's a 5 hour drive, we don't see them very often. I have to make more time to visit. Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks it's nice for them to visit - my cats are really enjoying their company too. Both Erma and Grace have been out all evening, asking for rub-downs from my mom and cuddling up wherever the opportunity arises.


We played in the snow for a little bit today while Jeff worked his snowblower magic on the driveway. It was cold, cold, cold outside! 'H's little cheeks got all red and I tried to take her inside but she insisted on staying outside. Not like she wanted to roll around in the snow, though. She wanted me to carry her around the whole time. I thought, "let me get this straight: you don't want to go inside even though it's freezing cold, and you don't want to get down on the ground either? You just want me to hold you outside the whole time?" You've got to love her, she is so opinionated!


I just finished reading Eat Pray Love and Jeff is almost done with the most recent Harry Potter book. It's a fat book. Each book in the series gets fatter. Eat Pray Love was great. It really spoke to me. I highly recommend it if you feel like you're fully embracing your second Saturn cycle.


I'm breaking all of the no-egg rules tomorrow: baked blueberry french toast for brunch, followed by a holiday dinner of crab stuffed flounder (egg is in the stuffing) and latkes (with eggs!). MMMMMMM.... I am so looking forward to it! I know I'll be in a daze on Monday because of it.

Not only am I enjoying the eggs, I bought a pound of butter in honor of my mother's visit and I am thoroughly enjoying this guilt-free window of opportunity to eat it. I love butter!


Jeff got an iPhone. I want to steal it and play with it all day.

Snow today. We got several inches - I haven't been outside to see what it's like yet. Jeff worked from home today and it was really nice to have him here safe and sound. I made sugar cookies and when the girls woke up from their naps, they sat down to frost them...

'A' was a serious Cookie Froster. She took her job very seriously. She frosted as many as she could before stopping to eat one.


'H' preferred to eat straight out of the frosting bowl. Hardly any frosting made it onto her cookie!


Erma relaxed today, as usual.


So did Grace.
I didn't. I spent today getting ready for a visit from my mother and stepfather. They're coming here to celebrate Christmas tomorrow and we're looking forward to seeing them!


Today 'A' wrote a letter to Santa asking for a booster seat for the car. Last week, Santa came to her classroom, and Jeff had mentioned that she should ask him for a booster seat, since she has wanted one for a few months now (she asks EVERY TIME she gets in the car) and her chances of getting one are very good. She forgot to ask him. Actually, she didn't speak to him, so of course the topic never came up between them. Afterward, she was upset and wondered if she should write him a letter. Today was the perfect day to do that. The letter is really cute - I told her what letters to write, and I will have to take a peek and add my own translation to it because you would never know what it says unless you were sitting right there, watching her write it.


Here is a photo I just found of the cold cash my mom keeps in the freezer. Doesn't everyone?