Everyday Life for Four Seasons

We're back from a fabulously relaxing week in Florida! A lot of really wonderful things came out of this week. #1 involves Erma, our 15 year old cat. Erma didn't get the chance to vacation with us. She stayed here and was tended to by Tina, a vet assistant from our local vet's office. I had asked Tina to keep an eye on the water dish because Erma sometimes drinks an average amount and sometimes drinks a lot more. I know all too well what it means when an animal drinks more than usual. When it's her time to go, I will let her go with dignity and grace, but until that time arrives I would rather not think about it or deal with it. Happily, Tina reported that the water level was normal during the eight days she was here. Woohoo! Erms is staying around a while longer. Good. She's a good girl.


One of the highlights of the trip - according to me and Jeff - was the quick getaway we made to Bonita Springs. The girls stayed with Jeff's parents for four days while Jeff and I relaxed in luxury. Thank you, thank you Shelly and Neal for making the entire experience possible! Good thing #2 came out of that short trip: I actually relaxed, which is something I usually do not like to do. I learned a valuable lesson about letting go and got a lot of insight into my inner workings.


Once I figured out how to relax and let go, it was easy. If you can believe it, I didn't miss my kids at all during those four days. I am normally with them all day, every day, so this was pretty amazing. In the car on the way to the resort I reviewed some of Thich Nhat Hanh's teachings. Some of them, those regarding letting go, were similar to other Buddhist teachings I had encountered in the past and oddly similar to some things Dr. Phil had said on one of his shows a while back. I know, I know, a lot of people make fun of Dr. Phil, but his in-your-face style appeals to me. You would never use the word "subtle" to describe either me or Dr. Phil. Anyway, the gist of all of the lessons is that it's important for us to recognize when our ego is getting in the way of a situation.


When I first started learning about putting aside my ego, I didn't understand what it meant at all. So during this trip, I decided to stop analyzing the teachings and do what I was told to do instead. Everyone who listens to a lesson is told to practice mindfulness, live in the moment, and meditate, and eventually you will begin to learn.


So I did that. When we arrived at the resort and I started to wonder how the girls and Jeff's parents were doing, I decided to sit and notice my breathing. It was tight in my chest and my back. After focusing on breathing for a few minutes, I took note of the fact that I wasn't pining away for my children at all. In fact, I was very happy to just sit and observe my breathing, thinking of nothing else at all.


How does this relate to my ego? After a few days of noticing my breathing and focusing on the little details around me, I finally started to get it. I had stopped spending my energy on thinking about my girls and things that were beyond my control (you know the thoughts: "are they OK?" "are they safe in the car without me?" "are they behaving?" "are they sleeping well?" etc, etc....). I understood that they were in a safe place and so was I. They would never know if I thought about them or not. It didn't make any difference in their situation. But it did make a difference in my situation. This is where my ego comes into play. If I had thought about them, I would have found myself trying to get some control over the situation, as if thinking about them allowed me to be there, instead of where I was. My ego would have been doing the talking. My ego and its need to control the situation would be in charge. By removing my thoughts about the girls, my ego had nothing to control. And at that point, peace and relaxation began to come.

I started choosing to be present in the moment.


My ego doesn't pop up only when it comes to thinking about my girls. It pops up anytime I think about something that isn't related to this very moment. When I wonder how the family holiday celebration will go, or what the dentist will say about my teeth next week, I'm telling myself that I don't trust my ability to react responsibly and fairly in the situation and I am "preparing myself" by thinking about it in advance. But really, all I am doing is wasting my energy on trying to get control of something I have absolutely no business controlling, and no hope of ever controlling.


Okay, now that I've gone philosophical on you, I'll give you some space to be mindful and appreciate your moment. If you're wondering what Dr. Phil has to say about egos, I believe it was something to this effect: the people who think most about what other people are doing, feeling or thinking, the ones who seem to have the smallest egos because they are always thinking of others are actually the ones with the largest ego issues of all. That really struck me. It gave me a lot to think about.